To be or not to be

They said it was a crazy idea and sticking to the status quo would be an easier way out. “Bro hii ni sure bet end month ukona kakitu plus passion ni kitu unaweza chase later on in life.” Maybe they are actually right after all. I really want to move out of my folks house plus you need money for literally anything. So should I just quiet the voices in my head and pretend that they do not exist? Maybe I should shun the feeling that comes with feeling dead inside each day I step into the office. 

A bit of background for you guys. I am your typical average african child, the one that grew up in a middle-income household where education was the way to go and getting a white-collar job and securing a wife and kids was the goal. As long as I did this I would have “made it” in life. Believe me, this mantra was working out very well for the early years of my life, everything was going as planned. I was on top of my class in Primary and well an average student in secondary school. I managed to get good enough grades to secure a spot in one of the well-known universities in my country. I might have downplayed myself a little bit there, I got stellar grades for my secondary school. They say to whom much is given much is required, my good grade means I get to choose a good course as well talk of  Medicine, Law, Engineering, and so on. 

I decided to take Law because I was a History fanatic and to me, Law has the power to change history. I started off well but along the way, I began learning and unlearning a lot of things. First and foremost is my love for music and the constant need to write down lyrics, get a piano tune, and sing my heart out. I know you are probably thinking “another msanii story”. Maybe it is another msanii story but that is okay the only difference is this msanii is me and because I am not anyone else my story matters as well. If you ask me, I am a strong believer that this concept should apply to everyone in life. We have a habit of comparing experiences simply because the beginning and the end might be similar, not forgetting the in-between which matters more. In addition to that we are all unique individuals who respond to situations differently so imagine if instead of looking at it as a similar story we look at it as a new and different way to solve this problem or navigate this life.

I am digressing back to how we got here. In my quest to change or rather shape history, I discovered the arts. While the law has the power to alter history for nations in masses arts pierce souls and touch lives. Arts not only deal with the masses they address each person individually and just like our experiences are personal that is how art is to each person they get to experience this art differently. Fun fact while laws are bound to the land art transcends borders it crosses oceans and let’s just say it saves lives. With this realization and knowing the gift I have tell me how I can afford to sleep at night knowing very well, I am capable of impacting the world in this great way through this avenue.

So here we are …..I finished my degree, passed my bar exams, secured a job with the highest court and still feel empty. I know they said I can follow my dreams later on but what if I don’t make it later on? What happens then? Won’t I spend the rest of my days turning and tossing in my grave with the art that is inside me? Call me crazy for wanting to turn this down but Taylor got it right when she said Don’t blame me my love made me crazy if it doesn’t you ain’t doing it right. I guess my love for the arts did make me crazy.