The Imposter From Within…

The Imposter in this case is definitely not Mora Duran from the soap storm over paradise. IMPOSTER SYNDROME however is what I’m referring to. Who in the world ever thought that this would be a word they would have to refer to or even encounter in their lives? I for one never thought this would be something I would have to deal with but I guess I was wrong. Just the same way I was wrong about very many things in my adulthood. I used to pride myself in being among the confident kids in school, the kids who weren’t scared to speak up in class always asked questions and answered them as well. The kids who held leadership positions, liked by teachers and did pretty well in their academics (Primary at least). I remember one of my teachers nicknamed me wakili because of how I never wanted to back down from a  debate before putting up a good fight. Talk of being the last man standing.

However the older I am and are growing the more that kid seems to be pushed back to the background. I don’t know if it’s just me but when I was a kid the possibility of failure was motivation rather than demotivation (if that is even a word). As an adult fear has become more pronounced and enters stage the IMPOSTER SYNDROME. I believe it is the fear of not being  good enough in whichever space we are put in. Aside from this feeling it is coupled with the feeling of not belonging in these spaces as well. This feeling paralyzes you to the extent of not doing anything even the things you were sure you are good at.

It will cost you…

Like you or maybe unlike you, imposter syndrome has caused me to pause in moments where I should have been moving, it has caused me to undervalue my  worth in various situations. The one place that this monster has made me stagnate is in my craft and career. Each time you get into a new office you have that feeling of needing to prove yourself and fight for your place on that table. We do not realize though is if we have a seat at the table automatically we belong there and if you belong you just need to thrive in your expertise. Sometimes we face new challenges that we need to overcome. They present themselves in terms of new tasks we are learning or new roles we are going into but to be honest the people who handed these responsibilities to us already knew we were capable of it. The only other person who needs us to believe in ourselves is us.

Imposter Syndrome is a monster from within that needs to be tamed. It might even be a very low voice just questioning your ability to do stuff. It shows up in various spaces at work, in school and even in our relationships. Unlike the little girl who used to speak up to a teacher who is old enough to pass for her parent, imposter syndrome doesn’t even give you a chance to speak up to your peers. It dims your confidence and wants to silence you and stop you from reaching your fullest potential.

Also read: Love yours

The other thing I am learning about this monster from within is that many times when it pops up. I’ll look for the crutches in my life to justify it. When I am not confident I blame it on my past experience or past trauma and that becomes enough justification to not do it or to delay an action. This allows the monster to grow and give us more reason not to pursue what we were created for. Aside  from this it prevents you from making an impact by withholding what  you are meant to do.